Holy Day

I don't really know where the word holiday came from, but on this day, Yom Kippur, it is the holy day holiday.

A quick blurb about this day to those of you who may not know: Yom Kippur is the day of atonement for Jewish people. As a lot of Christians go to confession, we save our sins to be shared with God on this day. We ask for forgiveness and to be written in the Book of Life for the following year. And on this day we fast.

In the past, as a kid, I wouldn't do too well with the fast. First off, you're not supposed to even have water. So you (according to strict rules) can't brush your teeth or use water fountains. They were shut off on this day at my Temple. Second, I'm a hungry hungry hippo. Another thing I now realize is that most of my friends and I don't even know the true meaning of the fast. I want to say that it has to do with suffering and showing God that we will suffer for our sins. But truly, I think God doesn't want us to suffer.

I'm a firm believer in karma. It is always present. Like if I don't go to class (not that I have missed this year). Of course the professor told us something that day that is on the exam, and I'm screwed. Karma for not going and sleeping in- most probable reason I skipped. So maybe this one day a year thing doesn't mean I need to fast. I suffer (in my own way) all of the time for the "sins" I commit because karma comes for me. I know karma is a Hindu belief. I still think it's structured by God to teach all of us lessons.

So here we have it: following the tradition today is absolutely what everyone thinks you should do, but this year I don't think so.

I'm not perfect in any way, hence why I find myself crying over dumb things and losing every sport and occasionally tripping up the stairs. I think, though, that today I did a great thing for myself. I let my opinion be the one that guided me. And I think that God is proud of that. I give all of my heart to everything I do and to everyone I love. So, through the transitive property, God has lots of love coming his way from Amez.

I sat in my bed this morning with a gurgling tummy and finally dipped a chip into my salsa. Still in bed, yes. This year I have countless times prayed and atoned. I don't believe one day should be enough. Like I said in previous posts, I'm not very religious. But I do believe that if you don't ask for forgiveness you dwell. So I find myself asking God to help me get better when I do something wrong, to help me see my mistakes, and to help me help the world. This fasting thing is sort of weird. I don't think God needs us to not eat the food he has graciously provided us to then just feast at sunset with our families.

I'm proud of all my friends that can successfully do the fast. I really am. I think when people make it a competition or complain all day about it it means less, though. We aren't all supposed to suffer together for our sins. We should suffer alone because this holiday is about atonement for Amy's sins. Not Amy's and Amy's friends. I've been somewhat alone all day just going over things I wish I didn't do this year. Asking God to forgive me and to help me grow from these memories. I think for me that's been valuable.

Maybe next year I'll think different and ask God for forgiveness about not fasting this year. But for now I'm content. I say sorry when I'm wrong; I follow the Ten Commandments; and I literally can't go a day without thinking about my religion. In college it is hard to attend services with the busy schedule of class and sorority stuff and clubs. It is easy to lose sight of my faith. But I haven't. It's right where it always was. In my heart and in my mind.

Just like God.

peace.love.meep
-amyjoy

P.S. I know religion is a topic that I don't discuss often, and it might have gotten way too personal, but now you all know why I didn't fast today. And why people shouldn't make others feel bad because they didn't. Judaism has been the best religion because it allows me to make these decisions. A lot of thought went into it. And I hope that this is "food" for thought for others.