System Down

Woof.

Do you ever just have one of those days where nothing had to go wrong to make you upset? If not then congrats on life- you're an inspiration. If so, keep reading.

I woke up this morning and got ready per usual. Mornings for me are always a bit groggy just because I'm used to waking up after 9 for classes (thanks to me for scheduling them that way), but for work I wake up at 7:30. RT if you cried. I cry. All the time. But anyway, I rummaged through fifty potential outfits, brushed my teeth, put my Charlie Card in my pocket, and left. When I got to the elevator, it was all wet because the janitorial crew had just cleaned it. I stepped in and almost passed out from the fumes of the cleaning supplies. First awesome encounter of the day.

Then I stumbled down Columbus Avenue to work and probably almost got hit by 3 cars and 4 bikers, but I don't really pay attention. I arrive just as the T is filling up with people, so I run down the stairs. Unnecessary exercise for my overtired body that thought it was a good idea to go out till late last night. Anywho, I made a weird entrance onto the train as this random guy watched. I pretty much leaped, so the door wouldn't hit me.

 Finally I got to work. But all I can think about on these days is getting home and napping. But, I can't. Because I have to be responsible and do laundry, and go to the gym, and eat. Cue me whining. Sometimes it's just hard to make it through the day without feeling this tense, angsty way. Add on the emotions, and the day seems to increase in time ten-fold...and slow down.

Alas, I find my way home, skype with my therapist (daddy), and sleep it off. I know people get annoyed when people use anxiety or depression as an excuse for anything, but it's real. Nothing feels worse than going out with friends and being the wet blanket. But I can't help it sometimes. There are really just times I take one for the team and sit out. So don't get mad at your friends when they're having a bad day and don't want to go out. Yes, there are times where my tension can be lifted by the warm spirits (and alcoholic spirits), but others are a no-go.

My advice to anyone dealing with any anxiety at all, be it big or small, talk it out. You'd be surprised at the amount of people who go through similar times and eerily have the same thoughts as you. Obviously don't only surround yourself with anxious people, because then you will all sit and have a pity party. But you can connect and create better relationships by bonding over the fact that being anxious is part of human nature. Some just have to deal with a little more than others.


Being a chemistry major makes me want to believe that medicine is the best solution to this problem. But it isn't. I know so many people that use medicine that has zero effect on them and their haze. Using medicine needs to be supplemented with seeking counsel. It's not embarrasing! If you're anything like me, you don't have any problem relaying your problems and asking 20 different people for their opinions. The only reason I'm functional ever is because I have such a solid support system.


Ugh. Now I just want to hug all my people. And nap. There's still that.


peace.love.meep
-amyjoy